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Head, TP, Sharpie: A Heuristic

The Infinite Monkey Theorem

The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare. In fact the monkey would almost surely type every possible finite text an infinite number of times. However, the probability that monkeys filling the observable universe would type a complete work such as Shakespeare’s Hamlet is so tiny that the chance of it occurring during a period of time hundreds of thousands of orders of magnitude longer than the age of the universe is extremely low (but technically not zero).

Digital Computers & Programmer Logic

A digital computer can be as simple as an infinitely long roll of toilet paper, a Sharpie that never dries out, and a read/write head that can use the Sharpie to put a single mark on a clean sheet of TP, determine whether a sheet has such a mark, and move the sheets (or itself) around according to a set of rules. Proof:
  1. Digital computers are essentially just machines capable of simulating an algorithm’s logic.
  2. Given any computer algorithm, a Turing machine can be constructed that is capable of simulating that algorithm’s logic.
  3. A Turing machine can be constructed from an infinitely long roll of toilet paper, an Everlasting Sharpie, and a mystical read/write head and set of rules. ∎

The program manager looked at the clock and freaked out.
“When is this
program going
to terminate?”
asked the program manager,
trying not to scream.

“I don't know,” said the programmer.

moral
There are plenty
of things to say to calm
a hopping mad
program manager.
“I don’t know” is not
one of them.

Computer Heuristics Lecture

A heuristic technique (/hjuːˈrɪstɪk/; Ancient Greek: εὑρίσκω, “find” or “discover”), often called simply a heuristic, is any approach to problem solving, learning, or discovery that employs a practical method not guaranteed to be optimal or perfect, but sufficient for the immediate goals. Where finding an optimal solution is impossible or impractical, heuristic methods can be used to speed up the process of finding a satisfactory solution. Heuristics can be mental shortcuts that ease the cognitive load of making a decision. Examples of this method include using a rule of thumb, an educated guess, an intuitive judgment, guesstimate, stereotyping, profiling, or common sense.